2h00pm
on my couch, back supported.

Even though I do not have anything going on for the rest of today, I felt resistance to sitting. Which is stupid, considering I had nowhere else to be, its 2 pm, I'm already in my PJs, and my day, as far as I'm concerned, is done (blissful, blissful days when I only have to teach two classes). Perhaps I just wanted to do more of nothing instead of exploring my mind and how scary it can sometimes be? haha.

So resisting in and of itself leads to unpleasant feelings arising during the first couple moments of my sit. Because I felt my mind was busy, and I was kind of starting to get impatient already, I did concentration exercises for the first couple of minutes. I think my frustration arises because I feel like my brain won't stop some days... when I know, full well, that that is just the nature of the mind. And it happens to everyone. And becoming frustrated leads to more unpleasant feelings and creates more internal chaos. I know this is probably the sixth time I've written those sentences out, but I feel as if I need to keep drawing awareness to this so eventually I can just kind of "get it" and let it go. I think it's the indigo child in me - things should be this way, should be that way, blah blah blah.

I also noticed myself drifting in and out of presence today. Like I would be observing what's going on, then it's like I'd black out? And then remember that I am supposed to be sitting and observing, and not hanging out in lala land. It's true.

My ego is also going to pat itself on the back right now for not looking at my clock once. :)