While at work the other day, someone walked by me smelling of something strangely familiar, something I had not breathed in since April.
Liliko'i.
The Passion flower, or Liliko'i according to Hawai'ian natives, was named after Spanish and Portuguese conquistadors because they thought the petals closely resembeled Christ's crucifixion - The Passion of the Christ. The leaves and petals of this flower have been used for thousands of years to treat hysteria, insomnia and epilepsy. They also contain small traces of natural MAOI-inhibitors, found in drugs which treat depression and anxiety disorders. Rather than use this in homeopathy, I have a jar, somewhere, as an essential oil, which one day, when I unearth it from the boxes of stuff I am bringing to Toronto, will wear. Such a delicious, empowering scent.
I inhaled the sweetness deeply and was immediately transferred back to nearly six months ago. Hoping on a plane across the continent, across the ocean, depressed, alone, scared, hollowed. Scenes flashed through my mind - meditations, prayer circles, chanting, yoga practices, nights in the hot tub, splashing in the ocean underneath the moonlight and billions upon billions of stars beaming from the Pacific sky, forming a safe, magical canopy over us. Comming to terms with who I am. Comming to terms with my spirituality. Comming to terms with everything I've been through in life and becoming so extremely grateful for it. For the first time, embracing tragedies. They brought me closer to God. Embracing my differences with my mother. They brought me to forgiveness. Embracing my differences with everyone. Again, finding forgiveness and letting go.
It's incredible how six weeks can completely transform a person. It's incredible how one can go from absolute hatred for the Divine and come again to embrace God and be eternally grateful for the rocky path they'd been led down life so far. For if it wasn't that path that I was led down, I wouldn't know what true happiness is. I wouldn't have the relationship with God I have now. I wouldn't know what true love is. I would't know how to fully and completely love myself, and really, truly accept myself. There's such a huge difference in saying the words because you think others want to hear them, and because you want to believe them, and actually living out those words.
Gratitude is the greatest of all heart-openers. When it enters the heart, love pours out. For every kindness we receive, gratitude inspires a hundred acts of giving.
The picture above was taken at Kalani's Point, in Pahoa, Big Island, Hawai'i. This little flower kept trying to leap in to the ocean and be swept away by the current. Every time it blew off the cliff, a tradewind would come along and boomerang it back towards the edge. In many ways, this flower has been a metaphor for my life. Every time it was about to let go, a stronger, more powerful force lifted it up and carried it back to saftey. God is always there, always around, and always supportive, whether you're struggling petals or a human being.
Personal Goals
- Step up the meditation 4-6 times a week instead of the 3-4 I have been doing.
- Date without fear, love smart, and find that special someone.
Business
- Finance my education, my move back to Toronto, and my trip to London/India smartly and cease spending money on things I don't absolutely need.
- Continue to teach more yoga and find a good job in Toronto with an ethical company, whether it be with Lululemon, The Big Carrot, or a Moksha Studio.
Health
- Lose another 20 lbs.
- Practice yoga or go to the gym every day.
Just again, making goals for this quarter, I guess.
Here's a recap of what my goals were from January, and how I've been doing with them.
Personal
- Smile first thing when I wake up in the morning. Life is a precious, precious gift, and something I take for granted far too often.
- Finally learn to play Eucre
Done and done, both learned, and refined, while I was in Hawaii.
Business
- Get a better paying job, and one in a field I am trained in, ie as a yoga instructor, or bartender.
- Pay off at least $2000 worth of debt accurred by June.
Done and almost done!
Health
- Phase out meat and dairy. Become fully vegan by September. Establish this routine during the summer, and do not fall out of it because others around you are eating meat. No matter how hard it is in the American Midwest. Find a support group.
Am fully vegetarian, with limited amounts of cheese and ice cream. Working on finding vegan friendly protein powder. Seemed to do this quite easily, and didn't even slip, even when I was in Nashville this weekend and surrounded by meat, meat, and more meat.