9h30 am
Tracy's apartment

I really like my new seated position. It's harder on my legs, but it's nothing compared to the pain I get in my lumbar spine from sitting in half lotus.

I sit tall, kneeling on the cushion. Read about cultivating loving kindness for the well being of people, animals, plants and minerals. Draw awareness to the pressure I am feeling on the shins, ankles, and tops of my feet. Start to imagine the muscles, tendons, and connective tissue in my legs stretching out and wonder if I'll ever be able to sit my bum all the way down on the floor.

Realize my bum is sticking way out. Give the tailbone a little tuck. Lower back sways slightly out again. Sigh, and wonder when I'll be able to get in for an MRI so I can perhaps schedule surgery so I'm not in pain 60-70% of the day anymore. Decide to be thankful, instead, that it's not as bad as it has been in the past. Draw attention back to breath. Notice the pulse and the crinkling I feel in the feet and ankles. It's like my feet just swallowed Pop Rocks and Rice Krispies. Roll the shoulder blades back as I notice that I'm starting to assume Slumpasana. Contemplate breast reduction. Go back to breath. Felt breakfast (or perhaps dinner last night) move through stomach and through intestines. Weird sensation, as I have never been so attuned to noticing that before.

Notice heart rate start to increase and wondering if I am going to have a panic attack. I consciously make longer exhales. It calms down. Notice a bit of a headache coming on. Make a mental note to stick some emergen-c in my water before I head back to the studio to teach. Feet and ankles are still *snap*crackle*popping*. Note that today was more about awareness of body sensations than bringing joy into the mind. Felt really tired.

Also noted that I really need to get a good meditation cushion. Tracy's is superb. After sitting, even in lotus, pain is at a 3 on a scale of 1 to 10. On the cushion I use at home, pain is at a 7, and it doesn't allow me to kneel. That said, back in Toronto, most of my sits happen on my couch.

Alarm goes off. I slowly move into a downward facing dog. Feel the blood deliciously run back into the lower extremities and notice the tingling, crackling sensation through them. I walk it out slowly, bringing flexibility back in to my ankles and toe joints. Attachment to the warm feeling I get after I leave the new sitting posture. I think I'm addicted to coming out of it and feeling everything move back into the feet.