I didn't sit today. I guess you could say I missed a sit. And I'm ok with that.

I had next to no sleep and had to teach a lot and it was difficult to stay strong for that. I wanted to get sleep on the bus back to Toronto, however, the seats didn't recline. A really uhm, strong smelling man sat next to me on the bus and I wanted to cry. Then I came home and found out Revenue Canada wants to audit me. Awesome.

What was interesting about today was how I was able to sit with my anger and acknowledge that everything that had happened was really shitty, but what intrigued me was that every mental formation I had (I'm going to pass out teaching/they're going to deport me/I suck at life/Why the fuck am I here/I'm so alone/Why doesn't anyone give a shit about me) I was able to tell myself how ridiculous I was being, as opposed to letting them spin out of control to the point where all I want to do is throw myself in front of an oncoming train. And after talking to some of my friends about what was going on and being calm enough to be able to listen to similar experiences they had had, I realized I wasn't alone and stuff that I was experience was randomly happening to everyone. And crying about it was good too. And I'm eager to go to bed and wake up and know that tomorrow will probably be a much better day.

But being mindfully angry - that was a pretty new experience for me. Or rather, I think I should say I haven't been "mindfully angry" since after my teacher training in 2007. I've just been hella angry, hella livid, and off the wall. I hope I don't ever have to be hella angry, hella livid, and off the wall again.