3 am
my apartment in Toronto

It's 3 am, and I am just getting down to my first sit of the week since I came back to Toronto on Saturday. I've been a tad busy.

I'm tired. I can't get over how tired I am and how much I want to go back to bed. But trying to go back to bed has failed, and since sleep evades me, as it usually does several nights a week, I sit. Noticing the heaviness of my head. Noticing not wanting to keep sitting up. I contemplate laying down and would laugh at the irony of actually falling asleep. As I have to get up at 4h30, there's almost no point. Noticing I have yet to read exercises 9 and 10 in the sati- and am probably not even doing the right thing. What is right, anyway?

Notice the brain constantly chattering. Think about contemplation for unmindful speech. Think about cat and how he kind of sucks for making hairball sounds in my ear at 2 am since he hasn't yet learned to not start to hairball on my bed, especially when I am sleeping.

Alarm goes off. I feel more tired and turn off the lights. And am once again, wide awake. I am so going to the gym.