Every year since 2001 its been harder and harder for me to get into the Christmas spirit. I think 2001-2002 was the last time I really felt it. I don't know what happened over the course of time but it's just been so stressful and depressing leading up to it. This year was the first time in years I did not have finals to stress me out, but work and familial issues got me down just the same. I realize I'm out of here in less than three months, embarking on a whole new life in a tropical paradise which I might not come back from (pending DePaul, and a host of other things) but I seriously cannot take much more of this. You know its bad when you are pretty much living out of your car and spending as much time with friends as you can.

The weather here hasn't made it feel very Christmasy. Kevin and I were shopping downtown on Michigan Avenue yesterday and it was like, oh, 50 degrees. I kept telling him we were in Texas. The lights and everything downtown didn't seem as dazzeling this year. There wasn't the usual evergreen garland and red bows decorating the water tower, which was highly disappointing. Even the horse drawn carriages didn't seem as magnificent.

I believe I was drugged at the bar we went to last night. I don't know how or when this happened, as I know enough to not leave my drink unattended, but tons of people walked past our table and we didn't watch the bartender pour it... but getting completely anihilated off of half a long island iced tea is not normal for me. I don't remember much after that, but Kevin said I told him I was very drunk, and started acting weird, and couldn't handle much of anything. I just remember being totally scared and couldn't stop touching him - like I needed to make sure he wasn't going to disappear or something. Ugh. Thanks honey, for looking out for me. I spent most of the late morning/afternoon bent over a toilet - off of one long island? There had to be something in there. And that makes me sad. And not want to touch alcohol ever again. Just in time for New Years, hahaha.

I've been wanting to detox lately, so maybe this is what I needed to convince me to just stop drinking. I hadn't been doing much of it since I quit smoking six weeks ago, and every time I drink a glass of alcohol I feel like I'm poisoning myself. I have no desire to drink, smoke, eat red meat, and most meat in general. It's quite a weird phase. And hard to support living in the American Midwest. Oh Hawai'i, how I am so looking forward to your fresh fruit and vegtables and mostly vegan resort cuisine. It makes me want to hump a table leg.

A year ago tonight I was at a karaoke bar getting hit on by a straight man pretending to be gay. Shudder. The only thing hitting on me tonight is Phoenix, which I am about to cuddle up with and go to bed. Amen to that.