So I am three weeks into my study course with Georg Feuerstein. I find I have the same release valves with this as I do with regular school - resistance to studying, the urge to skim paragraphs, and having to retrain my brain to read actual paragraphs and not the 140+ info blips I see and read on facebook and twitter day in and day out.
Here is me reflecting. I have a cold and don't want to. But I'd also like to complete this course in under three years. Kinda feeling overwhelmed.
1. How do you relate to knowledge? Do you collect information like some people or collect knickknacks? Do you regard knowledge as an avenue to wisdom? Or do you consider wisdom something radically different from knowledge?
I love knowledge. I love learning. I definitely love "collecting" knowledge whether it is something I need to learn for school, for work, or if I just want to learn something to impress people. I feel that the more knowledge I gain through outside sources, the more I can come to understand myself better. Because of this, then yes, I would regard knowledge as an avenue to wisdom. Without learning the things I have learned, whether it be through a book or from the School of Hard Knocks, I think the insight and knowledge and life lessons gained through those experience has allowed me to gain more wisdom and insight into myself and how I tick. I wouldn't yet consider myself wise, as knowledge needs to ferment and grow and solidify into my every day life, but I am definitely on that path to wisdom!
2. What knowledge has had the most transformative effect on your and how did it shape you?
The insight and knowledge I gained doing my mindfulness meditation teacher training dramatically shaped my life for the better. While I wouldnt' necessarily say I live my life in mindfulness 100% of the time, this training has allowed me to incorporate the proper tools into my life so that I can be a more mindful person and strive to live that way. In my personal life, I'm much calmer, less judgmental, and am slowly learning to let go and/or not take things personally. In my professional life I've been able to incorporate mindfulness intervention based practices with my clients. It has shaped me into more of the person that I want to be in this life- kind, insightful, objective, and peaceful.
3. Do you think there is such a think as "objective" knowledge? Can we ever step out of our skin to know things as they really are?
This question reminds me so much of school! I don't think that any sort of knowledge can be 100% objective, no. Every piece of research, whether it is scientific or not, carries some bias. This bias can be shown by who is conducting the study and their motivation for doing it, what corporation or person or funders provide the money for to foot the bill for the study, and even the subject matter being studied can all promote some sort of bias or non-objectivity. The scientific method seeks to break down these barriers and gives us some sort of structured, linear way of gaining knowledge and provides accountability to those involved in the research, however even this is not fail proof. But using that, we have to know that the scientific method is very western based in its approach to research methodology and doesn't take into account the vast cultures and resources and people who also span the earth and might gain and develop knowledge through different levels of methodology. An example of this would be the story telling our Aboriginal ancestors used to pass along information to generations of Aboriginal children - that, of course, coming with its own biases and non-objectivity itself.
Knowing we are a part of All That Is and that everything is interconnected and we all inter are with everything that exists in the universe is a way of being able to be objective - when you know that we all inter-are, then we can be all and see things as they really are. So perhaps yes, eventually we can obtain knowledge objectively through understanding that concept, but how many people can really, truly, understand that? That's enlightenment.
4. Alexander Pope wrote that the proper object of study should be humankind itself. What would be your response to him?
Why not study humankind? Perhaps if we learned more about ourselves we'd be more respectful of everything else.
5. What is the difference between knowledge and information? People speak of "information overload" and the "knowledge explosion". How do you relate to both?
To me, information is something you process but not necessarily file away and keep for the long term. If someone informs me of the weather today, it will matter to me when I make my decisions on what to wear or bring along with me in my backpack. But the weather today isn't going to matter to me tomorrow, when there will be a new forecast and I will need to adjust what I'm wearing and what I take to work with me. Knowledge is something you obtain and process and file away and keep for the long term. For example, while I might not think back year after year how the weather was on Sunday, June 13th, I know from living in a temperate climate my entire life that summer in Toronto can mean rain, heat, or mild temperatures. Without obtaining any specific information (the forecast) I can use my knowledge of Canadian summers to think about what I might wear outside - most likely jeans, a tank top, and maybe bring along a light jacket or hoodie with me if I'm going to be out late. That would make me comfortable. I could also bundle up and risk heat stroke too. We need to have both knowledge and information in our lives, and what we do with them is up to us.
6. When we say "I know", we sometimes really mean "I assume". Consider some of your basic "knowledges" and determine whether you truly know or are merely making assumptions. Where, in your case, is the dividing line between knowledge and faith?
I think my answer to the previous question was an excellent segue to this one. OK. So I don't know for sure what Toronto summers are like. But I assume how their weather is based on growing up in places like Chicago and Berlin, which tend to have all four seasons. They're also located in the central part of the Northern Hemisphere, allowing me to assume that they'll have similar weather and heat and cold patterns to each other as well. So that is how I can build my assumption on what the weather will be like on any given day. I also make assumptions for things like dinner choices, what my cat is trying to tell me, and even when working with clients. Faith, to quote Miracle on 34th Street, is the ability to believe in something when common sense tells you not to. Faith is being able to hold beliefs in things that might not be tangible, such as ideas and hopes and apirations and dreams. One can use their knowledge to attain these, I believe, which to me makes faith and knowledge one and the same.
7. What role do you assign to knowledge in religio-spiritual matters? Is it all right to take things on faith or should we always gain absolute certainty?
I don't think I could ever be 100% certain about anything, as life tends to be pretty unpredictable. I can form assumptions and ideas based on casual relationships, and I can take knowledge gained and chose to further deconstruct and pursue it more academically, or I can sit on it and let it ferment in my own mind without the aid of textbooks and periodical articles. When it comes to knowledge gained on religio-spiritual matters I like to learn what I can and apply it to my life how it works best for me. Some people criticize this spiritual buffet table sort of approach to religion, but to me, if the entire point of religion and spirituality are about attaining absolute freedom in yourself (nirvana) then why tie yourself up to religious constraints? What worked for others might not necessarily work for you.
8. Many, if not most, Western Yoga practitioners have very little interest in studying Yoga, feeling that it is more important to practice. Do you believe it is possible to practice Yoga authentically without also studying it?
This question kind of made me laugh. I don't see how this is possible. One of my teachers, Frank Jude Boccio, once told me that yoga is a system of right living. Even those who use yoga as a rigorous form of exercise also report the mental health benefits it also provides. I believe as a teacher, I need to not only engage in physical asana but also need to live my life in a way that is yogic and try to adhere to the yamas and the niyamas (for those of you who have no idea what this is, think of it as the yogic Ten Commandments) so that I may practice what I preach and try to engage my students. This is my bias talking, but why wouldn't anyone want to actively study it as well? And what is practice? Practice could be physical asana, however, practicing yoga might also be taking a deep breath and counting to ten before you get angry at your children, or observing and enjoying and being in the present moment in any given situation.
9. Studying Yoga will certainly give us valuable information, but do you feel that it also can inspire, uplift, and motivate us. What are your reasons for studying?
I am hoping to be inspired, uplifted and motivated! That's basically why I wanted to study. I also feel that it can further help me be a better social worker and better yoga instructor. I'd also eventually like to be invited to teach yoga history and philosophy at Moksha teacher training courses so that's a big motivator for undertaking this course!
10. Do you tend to think you "don't know anything"? Or do you take pride in your knowledge? Do you think knowledge is power?
I do take pride that I know things, but I also am humbled with respect that I do not necessarily know everything (as much as I like to think I do, at times). Knowledge might not necessarily be power, but knowledge does lead to change. I believe that change, positive or negative, is power.
I can already feel my personal release valves in this undertaking of the 800 hour course.
Currently I'm listening to the eighth section of Feuerstein's CD and already my mind is racing ahead to last four lectures, and what I'm going to be doing after that, and how I'm going to study, and what I'm going to read, and where I'm going to study...
Presence Karina. Presence.
Although my official start date for my Traditional Yoga Studies course with Georg Feuerstein isn't until June 1st, I have started the preparation (listening to his audio CD, The Lost Teachings of Yoga) this week, as these next few weeks are going to be really busy and I'd rather get a leg up now before I'm stressing myself out, forgetting that I have three years to get through these 800 hours and it doesn't have to be done in one month.
I don't even think with one month of solitude one would even be able to undertake and complete all 800 hours!
I had an opportunity to practice mindfulness today when I spilled boiling hot coffee all down the front of me. Did I? Nah. I screamed and swore and ripped my clothes off and ran around the house naked trying to clean it up. After that drama, I decided to strive to turn this experience into a mindfulness practice by allowing myself to pay attention to my breath, notice the stinging pain of the hot coffee on my belly, boobs, thighs, crotch... it wasn't as awful as I was imagining. No blistering. Just pink. I'd live. I also decided to not let it ruin my Sunday morning and stuck with my original plan of making meals to reheat over the course of the week, while listening to The Lost Teaching of Yoga on mp3.
Even though I'm being all studious and reading and writing and studying and meditating, my asana practice is suffering. I have very little free time these days, and it makes my personal practice non-existant, as the times I am free isn't when I get get to a class in a studio. This makes for practicing self discipline, but I can only do so much yin yoga or non heated Moksha or P90X yoga at my home. I also hate hate hate practicing on carpeting. I need to find my way to my mat soon, especially now that I am gearing up for Level II training in Costa Rica.
After the long weekend I am going to make a more conscious effort to get to an asana class three times per week. I have 180 days until Costa Rica and should be more worried about practicing yoga than fitting into a swim suit. I'm also going to make more of an effort to write about my yoga journeys in here as I've really abandoned this blog (again, life happens) and want to really learn. I feel like I've been going through a huge self growth transformation since March and want to record that.
“This is what you shall do: Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul; and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body” – Walt Whitman
I feel like no matter how settled I think I am, my life can go off in 1000 different directions on a moment's notice.
I applied for social work jobs in the UK this morning since I'm so fearful of not getting my contract extended and not getting a job in Toronto. I didn't want to head overseas until I got permanent residency here, but more than anything I need money, and I need to move to where the money is. Hence my also applying for jobs in Montreal, Halifax, Vancouver, Los Angeles, San Diego, and all over Hawaii.
I feel like the one thing that is the biggest barrier for me currently is money. I'm terrified I'll have to move back to Chicago, and I know that I'll be even worse off there than I am here - cuz this time around I won't have access to a car to get me places, I'll have maybe one or two friends as opposed to the whole network of friends I have here, and more family drama I prefer to distance myself from. I have considered moving back, but when I weigh the pros and cons, there are so many more cons than there are pros. I truly think moving back would be a huge step back for me.
But if my contract doesn't get extended and I can't find a job, what are my other options? Sure I can go back to full time yoga teaching, but that's only sustainable for a short time. $2000/month doesn't allow me to save for anything, nor pay off debts. Since I've been working for COTA, I was able to pay off and cancel three credit cards, finance my trips to Vancouver, Germany, and Costa Rica, and over all not stress out about money to the point where I lost sleep.
If I woke up tomorrow morning and my life was perfect I'd:
have a full time permanent position at COTA
have enough money to pay down my debt
have a smooth application process with immigration Canada
have a voice teacher
be planning some nice European vacation minus psychotic German boys
be in a healthy, reciprocated, passionate, romantic relationship with a man who treats me like the queen that I am
be in a position to do the things I need to do so I can go back to school and get a college diploma or a master's degree in music therapy
I feel like I'm stuck in this vortex and all this shit is spinning around me and I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing or where the fuck I'm going. And there's this huge big financial piece that is standing in the way and I don't know what to do about it. I also feel like I wasted too much time in undergrad and don't know how I'm going to commit to doing something else, when I'd like to get married, I'd like to start a family, and I don't see how that is possible to do both.
In all honesty, I just want to fucking cry.
*edit*
on the flip side, I guess it's better to be stressed about having too much opportunity than upset because I don't have enough. Still am gonna spend the next half hour crying though. Then I need to get over it cuz I gotta go teach.
I need a job where I can:
-make music
-help others
-create beauty
-travel the world
-engage in scientific research.
Let's make that happen.
